Sunday, February 3, 2008

Looking for a Fix

But even there, if you seek God, your God, you'll be able to find him if you're serious, looking for him with your whole heart and soul. - Deuteronomy 4:29 MSG

I was now 38 years old and having to look for some way to fix a life that wasn't really working. A short-term marriage, a bankruptcy, and a life of anxiety were enough negative marks to qualify for outside help I reasoned.

Upon trying to lean into my court-ordered 20 Alcoholic Anonymous meetings I had no idea what to expect. I thought maybe the meetings were going to be too spiritual, too bright, too cheery, and maybe something I just could not hold on to. After all, these people were probably really different from me. How could I relate to people living in such a different world?

At my first AA meeting I found myself open minded. So open minded that my outlook took me by surprise. I was ready to make my life better and I had no idea what was prodding me on. As I looked around the room and heard people share about their everday struggles, share about their anxieties, and share how their lives had previously been with alcohol, something great happened. I could relate!

At some point during the meeting I exclaimed in my own thoughts, "These were my people!" I reflected on the meeting after it was done and told myself I could probably hang out at these meetings for a while. After all, these people didn't appear to be too spiritual, or too bright, or too cheery.

I had come to a place where we all shared common ground. We were all seekers of something better.

Alexander is a writer in the online spiritual battlefield. You can also find him at The Scrooge Report.

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